I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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