I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
