nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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