there was a trapeze. enough said
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
