i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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