susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have fence marks all over my body
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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