Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize