So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
