My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
