i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
