I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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