remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
