I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
