to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
