i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
