you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
