Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How does one acquire holy water?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
