Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
