Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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