Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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