So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
