I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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