the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
