Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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