how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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