i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
