she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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