So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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