it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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