I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
