i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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