He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
