I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
