Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
