peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
