my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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