I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
