I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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