Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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