There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
