Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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