I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
