I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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