God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
