I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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