I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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