Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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