You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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