I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
