Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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