i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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