who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
