Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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