I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
