So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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