i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize