I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
