It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
do nipples grow back?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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