Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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