nutella sex= disaster
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
