I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
