we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize