found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
