RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
