just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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