I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
